Give Yourself Permission to Be You: What I've Learnt About Being a Man

Give Yourself Permission to Be You.

You don't have to have it all figured out

If I could sit down with my younger self, I have a lot I'd tell him. Work out your values. Stand up for yourself. Look after your body. Find your tribe. And perhaps most importantly: it's OK. You will be OK. At nearly fifty, I'm still learning and I hope that never stops. The idea that we're supposed to reach an age when we've got ourselves completely worked out doesn't match my experience.

Start with your values

For me, family, respect and independence sit at the centre. Other values matter too: kindness, honesty, curiosity, accountability and doing what I say I'll do. Understanding them doesn't mean I've always lived perfectly by them. I haven't. It means I have a clearer way to recognise when something fits, when something doesn't and when I need to make a different decision.

Being kind doesn't mean abandoning yourself

I've learnt that you can care about someone, appreciate their good qualities and still have different values. Saying no doesn't automatically make you unkind. You can be respectful without agreeing to everything. I wish I'd understood earlier that protecting another person's feelings should not always come at the expense of my own identity and independence.

Look after your body and make room for quiet

I'd tell my younger self to get to the gym, give up smoking and take better care of his health. Not because looking a certain way proves anything, but because feeling capable and looking after yourself gives you a better foundation for life. I'd also tell him to be quiet sometimes. Listen. Reflect. You don't have to fill every silence with noise or every uncertainty with an instant decision.

Curiosity is how we keep growing

My career has taken me through different roles, training, travel and experiences that challenged what I thought I knew. Some lessons came from textbooks. Others came from people and from getting things wrong. I value the freedom to ask questions, test assumptions and change my mind. Growth isn't always comfortable, but I'd rather stay curious than pretend I've reached the final answer.

Find your tribe

Brotherhood isn't about proving you're tough or fitting into a particular model of masculinity. It's having people around whom you can be yourself: people who can laugh with you, challenge you, support you and respect your differences. Men need friendship and connection as much as anyone else. We don't have to carry every question alone.

Give yourself permission to begin

Permission, curiosity, reconnection and brotherhood are ideas that have become important in my work and my life. Permission to acknowledge what you feel. Curiosity to learn what it means. Reconnection with your values and your body. Brotherhood to remember you're not alone. You don't need to have everything sorted before you start. You can begin with one honest decision that brings your life a little closer to who you are.

A space for men to reconnect

These ideas also shape how I approach men's wellbeing at Core Benefits Toowoomba. If a slower, body-aware experience interests you, you can read about Titan Flow Massage and decide whether it feels right for you. There is no pressure to reach a particular conclusion about yourself.